How I Got My Reluctant Husband on Board with FI

What I’ve learned

While our financial advisor Ed finally got M fully on board with FI, you don’t need an advisor for this! I could’ve done a lot more myself… here’s what I learned from my experience:

1. Talk about it

One of the most important things Ed did was get us to talk about what we wanted out of financial independence. He asked us to visualize what our lives would look like after: what we’d do, who we’d spend time with, what would be meaningful. 

What I did wrong: Thinking back, I did a lot of telling M what I thought our life should look like post-FI. I didn’t spend enough time asking him what he wanted. That was so wrong of me!

If I were to do it over: I’d talk about FI with M more often, but not with the goal of ‘converting’ him. Rather, I’d work on helping him to dream and explore, and find his own why for FI. This is what finally gave him the motivation and interest to get on the FI path with me.

2. Be inclusive

M’s frugal like me, and I definitely wouldn’t classify him as spendy. But he’s more willing than I to trade frugality for a little more time or fun. Eating out more, travelling more, and being a little looser with the purse strings are all very important to him. He also didn’t want to give up his dream of owning a Shelby Mustang. So Ed included all that in our plan and made it work. 

What I did wrong: I tried to ignore the things M wanted. I’d hoped that those wants would melt away as we went along in our FI journey. Some of them did (like wanting a bigger house), but the truly important ones (rightfully so) didn’t.

If I were to do it over: I’d temper my drive to achieve FI, and balance it by including M’s needs and wants. My vision for FI worked for me, but didn’t include enough for M, so he had no motivation to get there. Once his needs and wants were taken into account, he didn’t have to resist FI anymore.

3. Have trust

I realize now that I didn’t have trust in M when I discussed FI with him. I didn’t trust that he’d ‘get’ the FI mindset, or be willing to make the necessary trade-offs to reach FI. 

What I did wrong: Instead of talking to M about our FI plan, I made the plan on my own. I figured I knew best, and once he saw the light, he’d come around to my way of thinking.

If I were to do it over: I would’ve trusted in M, and given him equal say in our FI plan right from the start. (Even if it meant including things I didn’t necessarily agree with.) When I finally trusted M and included him in the planning, it freed him to make his own decisions about how to reach FI. And he’s made all the ‘right’ decisions since!